Parenting in tough times

How can I help Amy more in this tough time? What extra support and help can I give her when she asks for advice?

It’s no surprise that the already super tough parenting gig got that little bit tougher in the Pandemic. Our youngest, Hazel, has been a handful for these first few months and although Piper has been an amazing big sister, the time locked in with limited interactions and outside visits is taking it’s toll on her. The jealousy has certainly kicked in.

Over the weekend, Amy asked me what she should do when she’s struggling, and that she feels terrible for struggling.

I most certainly do not have all the answers but I usually pride myself on being able to nudge someone in a more constructive direction. In this instance I didn’t really have anything so I answered with “I don’t know babe, it’s a weird time and everyone is in the same boat. We are all stuffing up and figuring it out as we go.”

While being true, this doesn’t really help her during the week when she is struggling.

So today the thought popped back into my head and I realised that I needed to do much better for Amy.

What do the main issues boil down to? I think at the end of the day it’s the loss of control, a loss of our normal and our reality.

So how do we work on this in a time of heightened stress?

I started doing some reading today of articles specifically on parenting during Covid-19 and surprise or not, they offer up very similar advice for dealing with this adversity as most others:

• Control the controllable, There is a lot that is out of our control right now so picking a few small things that are completely in our control and doing them really well. When you do, celebrate the shit out of it.
• Be flexible, The plans we make for the day can and most likely will go wrong. When it does, re calibrate and move through it.
• Gratitude, No matter how bad it gets there is still a lot to be grateful for. Take a minute every now and then to stop and remember the things that make you smile.
• Love, In a time where so much is crazy, show your children love at every opportunity. If their schooling falls behind a little then they can make that up, if we lose the love, we may never get it back.
• Have fun, This is something that our children may be missing from school or day care. Don’t forget that life doesn’t always have to be serious and sometimes we can just laugh for the sake of it.
• Apologise, We will lose our cool. It’s going to happen and it’s normal. When we do, find a place to calm down and then apologise and discuss what lead to that scenario and ways to stop a similar situation arising again.
• Lead, show our children the behaviours we expect by living them.
• Breathe, Just breathe. Take a moment for you. Don’t worry about the chores or jobs you haven’t got done, they are fine. In for 4, out for 8. Through the nose. Come back to a parasympathetic state. It’s much easier to make good decisions in a less heightened state.
• Ask for help, This won’t be the normal help but there is still plenty out there; GP Tele health, Friends and Family on Zoom, Messenger or Face Time, Parent groups on social media etc.
• Remember that it’s okay, it’s okay to stuff up, to not know the answers, to not be perfect or “nailing it”, it’s okay to be scared and stressed. But also know that there is a way through the darkness when it comes. There is always someone rooting for you.

This isn’t an exhaustive list, nor is some of it relevant to certain scenarios. It is just a few little actions we can take when we need to wrestle life back in our control.

We are living through a time that will be talked about for decades. We are living in history right now and that’s scary as shit. What do we do? I don’t really know but I know that some of these strategies will help in the little minutes that make up our days, the days the make up our months, the months that make up this tough year. If we keep winning enough of these little minutes, we will be okay and we will weather the storm.

As for you Amy, god damn you are a superstar. I’m sorry I didn’t have a better answer over the weekend but I hope this makes up for it. You are doing an amazing job in a crazy time and I couldn’t thank you enough for everything you do. We are all so grateful for having you in our lives.

And the rest of the parents out there in the trenches, you fucking rock!

Pursue your potential

Dice

Most of this information came from multiple sources over the years but one from today is https://www.who.int/docs/default-source/coronaviruse/healthy-parenting/english-tip-6-covid-19-parenting.pdf?sfvrsn=232558c1_8

Check it out if you’re a parent looking for more help.