The noise in our head is something that we all face from time to time in our lives. It can come from so many directions and origins but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with without trying to accumulate right tools. This isn’t an exhaustive list and I’m not a psychologist, but these are some of the thoughts that I struggle with and ways I try to work through them.
Most of mine stems from the questions:
- What exactly do I want to do with my life?
- How do I stay grateful for everything I have while stressing about being somewhere that I haven’t defined as yet?
I guess it’s anxiety over my future and a fear of not succeeding or being grateful for the journey.
Maybe it doesn’t even make sense to everyone reading it but that’s my big one.
I won’t lie, I feel more than a little uninspired and unfulfilled in my current role some days.
I’m in Agriculture and it probably cops the raw end of the stick in my thoughts on occasion, a bit of a punching bag for my mental negativity, but I love the country and the people in it and I’m not angry at any of that, I’m angry at me.
I consistently read about the person who just goes to work to check the box for 50 years and then realises that they regret not pursuing something more passionate to them by taking the perceived safe route through life, I worry I will be that person.
I get stuck deep in this thought chasm of not knowing exactly what I want to do and thus feel like I’m not moving any closer to it.
It seems trivial even as I write this but in the moments when the heat is on, it’s on, and I can barely function another thought. It swirls and swirls around in circles until I feel like I may go insane.
Thoughts like:
“Am I happy here?”
“Is this where I stay as a solid income?”
“I have a family to support so I can’t just chase a dream but, I want Piper to know that she can, so how do I show her that while I do the opposite?”
“Is being grateful for where I am just a fancy way of saying I’m settling?”
“I am scared to death of being in this exact same spot in 5 years time.”
“I am absolutely terrified of being that person in the book.”
“But, I don’t know exactly what my next step is so what do I do?”
“Or, am I actually more afraid of succeeding than I am of standing still?”
See, around and around and around.
This can go on for hours or days.
Sometimes I get a handle on it pretty quickly and sometimes I do not.
On the day I wrote this I had to sound out one of my biggest mentors and my unwavering wife. Both are amazing humans with more time for me than I can thank them for in a lifetime.
I’m sure I am not the only person that struggles with these questions and I know sometimes it’s hard to talk about, especially if most of your friends are work colleagues. I think it’s a product of our modern society to deeply yearn for purpose. I mean our purpose used to solely be survival, there wasn’t any time for anything else. Now, if we are some of the lucky ones, we live in a very comfortable society that doesn’t present us so easily with a single purpose. This is a gift, but sometimes its hard to see it as such.
So here we are, humans with the ability and resources to pretty much pursue anything in the world that we want and yet, still regularly lack the mindset to do it.
I’ve read a little about this and it seems to have something to do with the above, our minds are designed for survival and comfort and reaching into your uncomfortable to pursue your passions isn’t in line with survival, it’s scary and vulnerable, so our brains give us an out and help us back away. It goes against our human nature to stand out from the crowd and do things differently so it takes dedicated work and practice for most of us to do it.
This is where I am at.
Somewhere in between knowing I have the ability to reach but sabotaging and handcuffing myself at the same time.
So what so I do about it when it happens?
Honestly, sometimes I just get flustered and stressed and want to quit all of my extra curricular pursuits because it’s easy to blame them. So lately I’ve been trying to write more in my journal when these thoughts happen and the little things that help me through them. I then mark those pages so it’s easy to go back to next time.
For me, probably my biggest rock is a piece of artwork that I had drawn up by an artist friend of mine depicting what I see when I think about my favourite motto “Pound the Stone” I’ll add that art to this blog but basically it shows a lion holding a hammer (For striking and sculpting) and a shield (For deflecting and fighting against the thoughts that would stop me from reaching my goal), kneeling, exhausted but determined, in front of a large rock face that is slowly being carved and sculpted into a larger lion, the lion that he wants to be in his life.
That’s my big one. Do I want to be the person that quit? The person that knew he had more in him but decided to play small? The person that only completes half a sculpture? NO. So keep going!
Then there’s little quotes that grab me at certain times when I need them:
“Discomfort is the price of admission for a meaningful life.”
“Do you have the courage to live with the integrity that stabs deep.”
Then little musings I’ve written to myself in my journal about always trying to find the answers to these questions:
“If we don’t lean into the uncomfortable then we will in fact have the answer – not much different to where we are right now. It’s not answers that we are really after, it’s questions. Questions of how much better we can be, not the answer that we are done.”
“I know that action leads to open doors and intention leads in circles.”
“I know that my passion is in the act of learning, testing, sharing and inspiring.”
Notes from my mentors and favourite authors:
“There’s no rush to this journey my friend, don’t start with the end in mind. Precisely because there is no rush, the mastery will start to take hold all on it’s own. The result comes before you even notice, and all the practice itself then becomes renewing and empowering, not a drain on your motivation.” and “Don’t burden yourself with the search for your destiny. Just focus right now on that thing you can’t live without.” Barbell Buddha
“Don’t be impatient to get somewhere you’re not even sure about. Love your moments.” and “Your mind is a battlefield. You are a warrior fighting for independence. To break free. Your thoughts are in your control. Don’t let your mind become a parasite.” Scott McGee
I think one of the biggest things is that I want to desperately get to this imagined end goal where I am just doing everything I think I should be doing that my mind skips ahead of the process. I am in the process right now. I have to trust the process. If I continually learn, try, fail, help, share, support my family, and set an example then I am doing exactly what my passion begs of me anyway. I need to remember that there is, in fact, no magic end point, that my path keeps going and that only I can lean into my fears to keep evolving.
Basically, I wanted to write this to help myself through these thoughts and to help anyone else going through them too. We all have them. We all feel inadequate and like imposters probably way more than we let on. We all struggle in our own way with purpose and belonging.
I think that the best way to keep going in these times is to build a meaningful mind armory of skills to battle your way back. We all visit the darkness, the key is to use the stuff you have; the skills, the cues, the messages, the support of friends and family, books, symbols etc. to keep fighting your way back to the light.
Actionable Takeaway
Begin to find yourself some tools to help you through when the mind starts to take over. You might only have one or two right now but keep growing that armoury. If you are anything like me, then the journal will be a huge part of the help.
Pursue your potential!
Dice
Inspired Lion 
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